My Song

 

“Courage is fear that has said its prayers and decided to go forward anyway.”

by Joyce Meyer, I Dare You: Embrace Life With Passion

Today, a friend, fond memories, and a few touching song lyrics prompted me write. A blank screen has filled my vacuous mind these past weeks unable to move ahead in fulfilling a couple life long dreams. My friend asked me if I ever heard the quote, “courage is fear that said its prayers.” I didn't. But it struck a chord within me and brought about a new meaning to being afraid. I applied it to the fears of being judged by others who think whatever you do isn't good enough. It applied to another friend making a life altering decision, and it applies to finding the strength to do it because a few wonderful people believe in you.

I call these great people who have stood by me my cheerleaders, my motivators and my inspirations. They are family, good friends and those who faithfully follow my posts. I forget sometimes those people are a part of my life. I forget they are there when the worthlessness seeps in and colors my world in an eerie shade of gray. I forget I am loved and accepted when I retreat into my solitary realm. And, I forget to reach out when I need it while waiting alone for the storm to pass.

I want to thank my cheerleaders for remaining a constant in my life in times when I felt I was losing my way. I want to thank you for your encouraging words and the inspiration you have provided in so many different ways. Depression is ugly, and it is my constant companion. I am aware that losing something or someone who matters to me can trigger prolonged bouts of insecurities. I hate that I wear my life on my sleeve and can't meet certain expectations. People who are sailing the same ship I am on understand what a difficult journey it can be. When we cry “wolf” the wolf is actually there. We don't always want to be left alone to sort whatever it is that triggered the next scene of an ongoing play. We want to know we are not alone and how much a kind word, a text, an email or a two minute phone call can mean. We may not always answer, but we remember who was there and lent a supportive hand.

I believe the soul is infinite. Free to expand everywhere and experience all of life. I realize this can only happen when one can face reality without mental boundaries and to reach beyond those barriers. It's like being in a cage. When you approach the sides you feel insecurity, jealousy, fear, or self-consciousness. You pull back when you touch it and stop trying when the song ends and the cage remains by any other name, still a cage. One day I hope to quiet my mind, conquer these fears and know true spirituality. I know that day will come when willpower enables me to go beyond my psychological limits, otherwise known as my comfort zone. I image a comfort zone like a beautiful melody that is so expanded it fills an entire day, and no matter what happens, the day unfolds and the mind doesn’t talk back. To be relaxed and open enough to simply interact with the day with a peaceful inspired heart. I know, and I believe the day will come when I learn that my thoughts, emotions and movements of energy are not solid and I can let go of and watch them float away like clouds.

Thank you, my friend for standing by me and helping me find the song in my heart again. Peace.